brokenCYDE - I'm Not A Fan But The Kids Like It [Review]

Band: brokeNCYDE

Genre: Crunkcore

Release Date: June 16, 2009

Label: Break Silence Records

Reviewer: Spirit Crusher

Here I am; sitting in bed, drinking a cup of tea, and holding my tongue so I won't get a seizure of some sort. I feel feverish, and I am probably going to die in a moment or two…I just listened to BrokenCYDE's entire album, "I'm Not a Fan, But the Kids Like It!" …the kids need to be sent to an asylum, if that's the case.

Bio: Brokencyde is an American "band" from Albuquerque, New Mexico. They've been around since 2006, so they're pretty new to the scene. The band has four "members". The founding two are Se7en and Mikl. The other two are Phat J and Antz. All play a part with vocals, but Phat J and Antz do random crap like fog-machine, lights, and "beats".


I'm already turned off. I really am. I think coming up with an idea to review a shitty "band" is already making me wish I can shoot myself in the face with a double-barrel shotgun. Looking at the track list, I can see titles like "Freaxxx", "40 Oz", "Get Crunk", "Skeet Skeet", "Sex Toys", and "Late Night Call", which is a "skit" track...

Sound: What happens when Soulja Boy and Lil Wayne's music collides with inhaled, overdriven screams? Synth, electronic beats, auto-tune…yes, auto-tune, you know, the worst thing that's ever happened in music history?

There is a "skit" track though. Yeah, a skit, like a short play. It's a phone-call of one of the members talking to a girl asking her about whether she wants to suck his "daddy dick"; the girl agrees. (I want those 45 seconds back, by the way).

In general, it's just auto-tuned singing with an elongated growl of one or two words in the background and the occasional rap. A rap artist or two feature in a couple of the songs too. I mean, I don't know what else I can say. I'm really out of words.

That says it all.

Lyrics: I don't know what to say. I think I'm going to end up going off on an "ethics" tangent, but who gives? There isn't much else to talk about!

After that odd Intro, that sounds like music in Space Invaders (the video-game), Freaxxx comes on, and my ears bleed listening to auto-tuned singing of "I walk into the club, looking kinda sexy now"

I couldn't take "Sex Toys" any more seriously, given that the line that kept me laughing was "You make my pee-pee hard" …I'm not kidding.

The song "Booty Call" seems to be quite the rip off song…

"I'll take you to the candy shack" sounds a little like Candy Shop by 50 Cent?

"I like your lady lumps" - My Humps by Black Eyed Peas?

Anyways, the most interesting line of them all in this song is "Chocolate covered booty panties" … I mean, what the hell is up with that? What kind of odd sexual fetish is this? Whether they're talking about milk-chocolate or dung, that's just utter humiliating.

The rest of the songs are pretty much the same; it's all about getting drunk, smoking and snorting shit, grinding, and having sex. That's just great. That's lovely.

I mean, for fuck's sake, what does it take to really make it into the music industry today? Swallow the Sun write absolutely amazing music and lyrics that are poetic and emotional, Rage Against the Machine wrote social and political protesting lyrics that are like poems. Hell, even Ice-T wrote some great lyrics himself! What the hell is this?

This is what sells today? What the hell is wrong with people today? Is this what music is about?

I can imagine this music being enjoyed by perverted 15-16 year old guys, and maybe a few child molesters. Much to my surprise, loads of adolescents and teenagers are listening and loving this music, if I can even it call it that.

To everyone who likes/purchased this: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? Is this really what the 21st century is looking up to? Is this what METAL is looking up to?

This garbage is called 'crunk-core'. Need I say more?

Where is the appeal in this music? Girls, do you feel rebellious when some morons tell you to act like a bunch of sluts? Seriously? Guys, do you really feel empowered when you find a bunch of whores piss-drunk waiting for you to take advantage of them?

Regardless of this though (to each their own), but is this sort of crap appealing in music nowadays? I remember listening to U2 when I was 8 years old, enlightened by their social protest lyrics. I remember listening to Stevie Wonder when I was 9, and looking into my emotions in a different way. I remember listening to Alice in Chains and Pearl Jam. I was connected to their music and lyrics in such a deep way.

Are we really going to accept this, people? Really? I mean, can't we be a little bit classy with this? Is all the junk that Brokencyde talk about in their music going to be what's popular in metal? Is this really the sort of environment we should live in?

This is passionless music, which is totally an oxymoron, because music is nothing without the passion.

I really fear for metal music and what sort of music young people are going to listen to, just because music seems to have gone from enlightenment to bullshit.

Conclusion: To put it lightly, I want 30-45 minutes of my life back. The only reason I put something in the rating is just because it scores a little bit on the originality factor. I've never listened to two opposite genres blend together…so poorly.

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