LIMP BIZKIT - Gold Cobra [Review]

Genre: Nü Metal

Label: Interscope Records

Release date: June 28th, 2011

Reviewer: Paul Williams

“You didn’t think a record label would allow them to make another record. But you were wrong. You didn’t think Fred Durst would, at 40 years old, still think he was a fly gangster rapper. But he does. Does Wes Borland still look like Skeletor’s gay cousin? Yes he does. This summer Fred Durst and crew show you their Gold Cobras, and dutifully take a dump right on your chest.”

This is Limp Bizkit’s first album in six years. Six years. SIX FUCKIN’ FRED DURST-LESS YEARS. You would have sworn it was only, say, two years. It feels as though those six years have flown by and now, once again, we have to deal with Limp Bizkit ruining everything with the shit storm of stupid that is “Gold Cobra”; a tornado of tiny poops, spray painted gold, leaving the same kinds of stains on my brain that you would be likely to find in Durst’s very own Walmart brand tighty wighties.

In all fairness there is something intriguing about this Limp Bizkit record, and it probably has something to do with the fact that, now I’m older, I can appreciate the stupidity for all its worth. Gone are the days where I would hear a Limp Bizkit song and actually feel so disgusted that I would rather use the sounds of my own retching to cover up their music than listen to Fred Durst utter another brain cell destroying “muthafukka”. With this thought in mind I sat back to let the retardation of “Gold Cobra” splash down on me like semen on to a young Asian girl’s face at her first Bukkake party. God help me.

Can I just say that whenever an album starts up with an intro that has Fred Durst shouting “I can’t make it stop/No matter how hard I try” and there is a woman screaming in the background, you know it’s going to get really weird, really soon….and there it is. From the “phat” ”beats” on “Bring It Back”, Durst shows, right off the bat, that his ability to rap hasn’t gotten any better and his vocabulary has definitely not grown, even with all those years that he had time to actually use a dictionary.

I’m not really sure what else to say. I mean in all honesty this is just a normal Limp Bizkit album. It has some absolutely terrible songs such as “Bring It Back”, “Shark Attack”, and the exceptionally annoying “90.2.10”, which will make you want to use Fred Durst’s arsehole as a doormat after the beginning riff piddles out into a shitty rap song. A prominent issue with many of the songs throughout “Gold Cobra” is the fact that Wes Borland doesn’t seem to understand the idea of the “riff”. Basically every song has him playing the same part over and over again like he is some back water degenerate who can’t breathe and have the ability to move his fingers at the same time. At times it feels like such a hassle trying to figure out who you hate more; Fred Durst or Wes Borland. Fuck.

Of course, to get back on track, there are (dare I say it?) some half decent songs that will most definitely bring out the inner hillbilly wigger in all of us.

With terribly catchy choruses in both “Shotgun” and “Autotunage”, which isn’t at all as hideous as the song title suggests, there are at least a handful of songs which will be making the rounds on my iPod when I’m drunker than a Russian hooker on a busy night. Although, there’s no way that you can turn around and say this is a “good times” album, or even that Limp Bizkit have redeemed themselves in anyway; songs like “Killer In You” just put a big shit eating grin on your face for no other reason than Limp Bizkit are happy being the same old idiots they always were, and how can we go around telling bands to not do what makes them happy.

…oh wait…isn’t that what everybody has been doing to Morbid Angel?...

1 comment:

  1. Wes Borland would be a really good supervillain. Also, this shit is terrible.